I think this is my third blog...

So I am pretty sure that this is the third blog I've made. I started off really strong on the other two but they eventually drizzled out and I probably can't even access them anymore. I don't even know if guys do blogs anymore but I want to use mine as a way to encourage others to seek after the heart of the Father.
I began studying the life of David recently in an effort to look at the life of a man whom the Scriptures refer to as a man after God's own heart. As I was driving home from a friend's house recently, I was pondering what it meant to be a man in today's society. I was interested in what the world and the media and pop culture had to say about the subject; I was seriously trying to figure out what a man in today's world looks like. Immediately, the thought, David was a man after God's own heart, popped into my head. I was like, what? Yeah, he was. Maybe I should look at his life and try to learn from him what it means to be a man. I began to think how clever I was to have had such an ingenious thought. Then the Lord prompted me that He had given me the idea to study David's life. I thanked Him for guiding me in this way and resolved to begin my study once I got home that night. Today marks Day 3 of the study of David's life and I am already learning so much about the shepherd king. The character qualities that he exemplified in his life are ones that all young men, and young men at heart should learn to cultivate. I hope that those who read my blog, if anyone, will grow along with me and encourage me as I begin this journey of what it means to be a man after God's own heart.
As to the name of my blog, Inward Appearances, I felt that this title was fitting because it was inward appearances that lead Samuel to choose David as the future king of Israel. At first, Samuel was looking at the outward appearances of David's brothers, their strength and good looks, perhaps. God told Samuel that although men look at the outward appearance God looks at the inward appearance, the heart. I believe that as Christians, we need to spend our time focusing on the inward appearances and making sure that our hearts are acceptable to God instead of focusing on the outward things, the things that don't matter anyway.

So I went to the doctor...

Hey everybody! Appreciating all the prayers and support. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends! First off, I want to thank all my OT buddies for the great gift basket. You guys are AMAZING and I can't wait to be back in class with everybody and hear their stories of clinicals. Secondly, I want to thank my Wal-Mart buddies for the TWO AMAZING gift baskets, cards, and other gifts. You guys mean so much to me and I can't wait to be back at work which hopefully will be tomorrow because my doctor said I can come back on "light duty". What other kind of duty do CSMs do? LOL. Anyway, I went to the oncologist and the urologist on Monday and here is basically what they told me. If, when I go back for more blood work on the 29th, my tumor markers have gone down, my options are close surveillance, which includes X-Rays and CT scans on a regular basis for the next two years, or an RPLND, retroperitoneal lymph node dissection, which includes cutting me from my pubic bone to my sternum, pulling my guts out of the way, and removing all of the retroperitoneal lymph nodes and going through 6-8 weeks of recovery. The only problem with the surveillance is the financial burden of the scans and X-rays and that my body will be subject to a lot of radiation with the CT scans and there is still a chance that the cancer will come back when I’m older and less healthy and when it’s harder to fight it and recover. The down side to the surgery is that I will have to drop out of OT school because of the amount of time it takes to recover. However, if the tumor markers come back still elevated then we are looking at chemotherapy. With the surgery, though, there is a very high, nearing 100%, cure rate. The close surveillance is the least effective method. I’ve read several testimonials of men who have had the surgery early and men who did the surveillance. Most of the men who went with surveillance regretted it because they had to have the surgery later, anyway. No one ever regretted the surgery. With the surgery and the chemo also comes the problem of infertility and sperm banking. Not sure where I stand on that issue. As you can see, though, I’ve got some pretty big decisions to make. In addition to the whole cancer thing, I’ve also been evaluating my priorities and my vision for my life. At church on Sunday, the preacher talked about making sure that you and God have the same vision for your life. He talked about how King David wanted to build the temple for God instead of having Him dwell in a tent. That was a good plan, a good vision, right? Well, it may have seemed like a good idea to David but God had other plans for the king of Israel. That’s where I am in my life. One of the issues is OT school. Is being an OT what God wants for my life or is it what I want for my life? Don’t get me wrong, like David, it seems like a good vision to have. You get to work with people who need your help getting back to living a better life and being independent or helping kids overcome physical, emotional, or mental obstacles to achieve a more normal lifestyle. Those are good things, right? Yeah they are. Just like building a temple was a good thing to do. But is it what God wants me to do? Right now the answer to that question is, “I don’t know.” I’m not saying that the answer is no, because I am still trying to figure life out. One thing I’ve learned from a Bible study I’ve been doing is to not ask God what his will is for your life. I’m learning to seek God’s will and then join in wherever He leads. That is a hard concept to fathom because I’ve grown up asking God to show me His will for my life when I should have asking Him to show me His will. I believe that the best place in the world to be is in the middle of God’s will, because if you’re in God’s will, you know that whatever happens was because He willed it and it is for your good. It may not always BE good, but it’s for your good. There’s a difference. Anyway, enough preaching. As always, keep up the prayers on my behalf; I have an awful lot on my plate to contemplate right now. Thanks for your prayers and your support. May God richly bless you as you have richly blessed me. Seeking His will, Justin.
P.S. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Look at the birds, they don’t sow, reap, or store in barns, yet God feeds them. Am I not more important in God’s sight than the birds? I KNOW He’ll take care of me. (this was very loosely paraphrased, but I wanted to make it more personal) Also, if you don’t agree with the theology I put forth, please don’t reply with an argument to it. This is what God is showing me right now, and it’s what I need to hear. Thanks!